Beyond Matchmaking: The Untapped Potential of Dating Apps

Swiping Right on Education: How Dating Apps Could Teach Users to Flirt, Build Confidence, and Secure Second Dates

Isn't it curious that dating apps, which exist to help us find a romantic partner, don't teach us how to be better at dating itself? In an age where swiping left and right defines how millions meet, it's oddly silent on teaching the very skills that make dating succeed. Imagine if these platforms gave us little nuggets of wisdom on flirting, confidence-building, or securing that elusive second date.

According to a 2019 study, 93% of couples who shared food agreed to go on a second date, compared to 43% of couples who didn't share. This isn't just interesting; if you're on the dating market, it's information you'd like to know.

Platforms like Shopify or HubSpot invest heavily in teaching their users how to succeed because they benefit when their users thrive. So why don't dating apps do the same? They could be missing out on a promising opportunity to enhance user experience and satisfaction.

It would be pretty simple to run some experiments and validate the hypothesis that this would be helpful to users. Think about all the interesting data that could be generated as a result of performing some A/B tests on these platforms. Do people who receive these notifications get more or fewer dates? Are they higher or lower quality? Which users benefit most from this?

Behavioral economics offers a clear path for inserting small nudges into an app's design, hints that improve user outcomes without feeling intrusive or condescending. By applying choice-architecture principles (as emphasized by Rory Sutherland at Ogilvy), dating platforms can steer people toward enhanced decisions. In practice, some apps already do this: Hinge caps active matches at eight and forces you to decide before browsing more, so you focus on each connection. Bumble reminds users when they've left matches hanging and enforces 24-hour chat windows to cut down on ghosting. And Tinder has experimented with tips when adding or editing photos and nudges like "Messages that get more responses often say…" These tweaks show how a few strategic design choices can shape dating behavior.

Building on these examples, Rory's key insight is that the biggest progress in the next 50 years may come not from improvements in technology but in psychology and design thinking. Applying this perspective, dating apps could further focus on the psychological aspects of dating, providing users with insights and strategies that can make the process more enjoyable and successful.

There are different reasons why dating apps might not be pursuing this. Maybe their users just want matches, rather than get educated. Or they might worry about being too intrusive. But these tips could be made optional, bite-sized, and fun. A notification might say, "Did you know sharing food on a date increases your chances of having a second date?" Or "Guys on average add 5cm to their height on dating sites. Adjust your expectations!" Short, fun, informative and tactical insights could be shared to help people in their romantic relationships.

A more significant obstacle can be found in exploring users' needs. What's the ultimate goal of using dating apps? For some, it might be casual sex, while others might want to find a stable relationship. When you've finally met someone, you might not keep going back into the app. And depending on your gender or sexual orientation, people might use these apps differently. Some could even question the ethics of providing these recommendations. These are all valid points.

In conclusion, dating apps have the potential to revolutionize not just how we meet potential partners, but how we approach dating itself. By incorporating educational elements and leveraging psychological insights, these platforms could enhance user experience, generate valuable data, and potentially lead to more successful relationships. For example, imagine dating apps borrowing a similar concept to the app Paired which offers daily questions, tips and playful challenges for couples to deepen their connection. Dating apps could nudge users after a date with something like "ask each other this fun question tonight" or "try this mini flirt challenge." This could make dating more fun by providing ideas to test on dates.

While challenges exist, including user diversity and ethical considerations, the opportunity to innovate seems clear. As we move forward, it will be fascinating to see if dating apps evolve to become not just matchmakers, but also assistants in the complex world of modern romance. With the rise of genAI, this seems a matter of time, but the next great leap in online dating might lie not in its algorithms but in its ability to nurture the very human skills that make connections meaningful. If real connections are built on actions like flirting and emotions like empathy and confidence, then dating apps must shift from pure machine‐matching to cultivating those human skills and feelings in users.

Thanks to Maiia for reading a draft of this post and providing feedback and insightful comments.